Thursday, October 14, 2010

Sens Blame Poor Performance On Absent Drunk/Shirtless Fan

Ottawa - The ailing Ottawa Senators placed blame for their recent lack of scoring and game wins on the shoulders of an absent fan who no longer attends their games. Known to the team as "Insane Blaine", the usually loud, drunk and shirtless fan has been missing from the audience for the last three games, and the team is really feeling it. Without his constant screaming, flag waving, profanity laden support, the Sens feel lost on the ice and it has adversely affected their game play.

"We just don't have that winning spirit on the ice without Insane Blaine around." remarked team captain Daniel Alfredsson who hopes Blaine comes back to the stands soon. "The team really feels lost without his screaming and crazy antics." explained Alfredsson, who is trying to cope with the recent lack of performance within the Sens. "That one, drunk guy makes all the difference." admits Alfredsson.

Blaine has been absent from most of the games due to increased demands at his work, where he has been switched to another department within Transport Canada, and has been unable to get off work in time to prepare for the all-important Sens games. "I just haven't been able to get out there with my face paint and Sens cape." remarked Blaine, who works as an analyst and computer tech at Transport Canada. "I feel terrible that I'm responsible for the recent game losses, and I now realize that my screaming, shirtless and drunk behaviour at a game really does make an important difference to the team. Without me, they are definitely losing and scoring less." proclaimed Blaine, who spends most of his paycheque on Sens tickets and beer at Scotiabank Place.

In an effort to bring Blaine back to the stands, Sens owner Eugene Melnyk has even considered putting Blaine on the pay-roll as a way of brining back the lustre to the once powerful Senators franchise.

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