With such standard driving features as "Random Braking", "Extra Slow Turning" and "Lane Straddler" built into the Buick's new on-board computer, many seniors will find the C-Nile a comfortable and re-assuring ride. Optional equipment on the 2011 model include, "Pedal Guard" a feature that eliminates the danger of confused elderly drivers jamming on the gas instead of the brake during reactionary situations, "Signalling Eliminator", a feature that makes sure that the vehicle's turn signal indicators never function, and the Buick exclusive "10 Under" drivetrain that constantly maintains the vehicle's speed at 10km under the speedometer reading.
"We're proud of the C-Nile." commented Buick's President, Hal Gromsill, who believes this latest model will entice a wide range of senior drivers who are looking for the comforts of a North American automobile with their specific needs engineered into the design. "Buick engineers have made sure the C-Nile has everything an old, crotchety driver would want, including a denture holder and hemorrhoid cushioned seating." Gromsill explained. The C-Nile also boasts an over sized chassis and strengthened uni-body design that makes sure the elderly driver feels completely safe in their gargantuan vehicle. "Studies show that there is a correlation between the size of the driver and their vehicle, with most frail, shrinking old people opting to purchase, large, oversized cars to provide a false sense of security." Gromsill remarked.
Road tests have shown the C-Nile to be quite agile and make remarkable slow turns even when the accelerator pedal is pushed to the limit. The Random Braking feature made sure to pulsate the brakes for absolutely no reason sporadically during the road test as carefully designed. Safety features include 56 airbags for the hip area, and an exterior airbag to ensure pedestrians, parking barricades and hydro poles are protected from the somewhat erratic driving habits of the elderly operator.
The C-nile should arrive in showrooms this December and all Buick showrooms have been converted to be wheelchair accessible to accommodate their popular demographic.