Tuesday, February 26, 2013

McDonald's Denies Claims Shamrock Shakes Contain Leprechaun Meat

Ottawa - The Canadian Food inspection Agency is undergoing an investigation into claims that McDonald's restaurants have been using leprechaun meat in the production of their popular Shamrock Shakes dessert beverages. The lime green,  creamy beverage has been enjoyed by countless customers across North america and has been under scrutiny lately after an investigation revealed there may be traces of small, Irish gnome creatures in their mixture.

Canadian Food Inspection Agency spokesperson, Linda Smail answered questions from the media about their investigation into the leprechaun claims, citing customers reporting a distinct "Irish odour" in the beverage and that the Shamrock Shake had an unusually "meaty" consistency.

Enjoyed by many McDonald's customers in the weeks leading up to St. Patrick's Day, the Shamrock Shake was discontinued in the 1990's until 2011 when it made a combeack. The original recipe contained mint, ice cream and green food colouring, but more recently, traces of leprechaun have been detected after one customer reported a miniature buckled shoe in her Shamrock Shake.

McDonald's spokesperson David Grayson says the claims of Leprechaun meat in the Shamrock Shakes is unsubstantiated and hopes customers will still continue to enjoy the delicious, minty green ice cream treats. "Every Shamrock Shake has a bit of Irish in it, that's why we're called McDonald's and not MacDonald's".

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Home Depot Tests New Fuchsia Colour Scheme

Area Home Depot stores are testing a new vibrant fuchsia colour scheme.
Ottawa - In an attempt to lure more female customers to their business, Home Depot began market testing their new fuchsia colour scheme on select Home Depot outlets in the Ottawa area this week. The bold new colour scheme that will replace the standard construction orange hue, will hopefully appeal to the growing female demographic with its vibrant, zesty,  purply pink hue.

Francine Helmsly, Home Depot Director of Marketing And Promotions, describes the new colour scheme as a departure from the standard man-centric orange hue, but thinks the new colour scheme will appeal to the growing female do-it yourselfer demographic. "We're seeing more and more ladies strapping on a tool belt, so we wanted to reach out and capture the essence of bridging the gap between the typical man oriented store we've become known for." Helmsly described. 

Area Ottawa Home Depot stores have undergone extensive repainting of their typical orange colour schemes to the new fuchsia colours over the last two weeks and expect favourable reactions from customers. "We think both burly construction workers/contractors and female home improvers will enjoy our new colours and continue to make Home Depot an important part of their home improvements." said Helmsly.

Monday, February 11, 2013

New Hands Free Car Finally Allows Hands On Phone Calls

Ottawa - Drivers annoyed they can't make hands on phone calls will be pleased to know a new hands free car will be released that will make their phone calling abilities that much easier. Eliminating the need to utilize their hands for driving the vehicle, drivers are now free to use their hands to make phone calls, check emails or send text messages on their cellular devices. Once a pesky and hindering problem, the new Chevy "Freedom" makes it possible to operate a cell phone while the car drives itself using computer and satellite guidance systems.

The new hands free car allows drivers to now use their cell
phones constantly while driving.
Drivers and mobile phone companies alike are already embracing the new hands free car technology and hail it as a "breakthrough in allowing cell phone users to constantly be on their phones." Using a technology developed at Kanata's SynTechergy, the Freedom car uses a satellite GPS technology that steers and controls the car after a destination has been pre-programmed into the navigation system.

Once programmed, the car guides itself through traffic and frees the driver to make important calls to BFFs, kids, or send racy texts to important recipients without the distraction of having to drive a vehicle. An override option allows drivers to opt for the hands on experience of driving the car once their texts, phone or email messaging has been completed.

Freedom car Product Manager Harold Chestle believes they have developeda car that will put cell phones back in the hands of drivers, eliminating the withdrawl symptoms most cell phone users experience when having to turn off their phones while driving. "No one wants to be without a minute of connection time, and the Freedom makes sure you can be connected at all times." Chestle remarked. Prouction of the new Freedom car begins in March with showroom delivery expected in early April.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Aging Snowbirds Aerobatic Team To Be Replaced With Unmanned Drones

Newly acquired drone aircraft will replace the Snowbirds aerobatic team
in 2015 using a pre-programmed computer flight demonstration.

OTTAWA — The Canadian Forces is planning to purchase a new fleet of unmanned drone aircraft to replace its aging Snowbirds aerobatics team, according to recent DND documents.  The Snowbirds will need new planes by 2015 and it has been decided the unmanned drones are the cheapest and most viable option.
The Snowbirds aerobatic aviation team is seen as a key public relations tool for the military, with thousands of spectators enjoying their display of aerobatic prowess and spine tingling skills. The Snowbirds fleet of CT-114 Tutors will be retired by December 2014, according to the documents. “Based on this planned retirement date, the air force has purchased some unmanned drones for aerobatic testing that would address the continued provision of a Canadian air demonstration capability,” stated an email from the air force.
The current Snowbird CT-114 Tutor jets and their pilots will be obsolete
and retired in 2014 with unmanned drones replacing them.
The unmanned drones would be remotely operated and perform their demonstration based on a pre-programmed flight sequence computed by a central computer system. "We are basically eliminating any human risk or pilot skills, and in turn, excitement." said Deputy Air Minister Moss.
Moss, a former Snowbirds commanding officer and team leader, said the air force’s decision to use the drones is economical and comes at a time when pilots don't need to risk their lives anymore. “We only have about 9 fighter pilots, and we'd be stretching them thin if we had them doing stunts.” said Moss.
The  current Snowbird planes have been in the Canadian Forces inventory since 1963 and have been used by the Snowbirds team since 1971, and will be used as training Cub Scouts for their aeronautical badges and in community parades once retired.
Using drones would increase the ability of the Snowbirds to perform in a variety of airshows and even wow crowds in war-torn foreign countries such as Afghanistan and Syria. "Before the drones attack the enemy with their laser guided ordnance, we'd give them an amazing aerobatic display that will probably be the best show they'll see before being blown to pieces." Moss remarked.