Thursday, June 21, 2012

Environment Canada "Humidex Feeler" Gary Knapp Speaks Out

Ottawa - The recent heatwave staggering the regions of Eastern Canada have brought temperatures into the mid-30s, but with a "humidex"factor of reaching into the 40s. The increasing humidex factor has many people wondering how the humidex is calculated, as most times it is simply stated as "Feels like 43 with the humidex" during weather updates. Who determines this and "feels" the temperature? The O-dot has learned that Environment Canada uses a professional "Humidex Feeler", who just goes outside and announces it feels like a certain temperature, which is then used in weather updates for each city.

Ottawa's Humidex Feeler is Gary Knapp, 54, who works at the Ottawa division of Environment Canada and reports what his job is during a heat wave. "I usually have to step outside at 9am, noon and 3pm, then sit there for a minute of two. I then contemplate what it kinda feels like to me, then announce it to the weather department, which updates all the news outlets." Knapp explains. He says it takes a few minutes for him to "feel" the temperature before announcing it "Feels like 43", or whatever the temperature he may be feeling. Years of training and outdoor standing gives Knapp a humidexer edge when announcing what the temperature feels like. "I spent three months in the deserts of Africa standing and feeling the temperature, so I have a pretty good idea of the range of temperatures I can feel." Knapp remarked. 

A busy season for Knapp, summer can take it's toll on the Humidexer, who likes to hydrate with Kool-Aid or water. Knapp often looks forward to the cooler temperatures of the winter season when he is employed as a Wind Chill Factorer, standing outside during the winter months, feeling the brisk winds of winter, and announcing, "With the Wind chill it feels like -26". 

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Heatwave Prompts Area Man To Remove Shirt, Wear Socks With Sandals

Ottawa - Local Ottawa resident Tim Harborn, 48, is dealing with the recent heatwave by removing his shirt, and switching to the cooling comfort of white socks and sandals. Hoping to create an upper torso cool down, Harborn is confident the removal of his shirt will reduce his body temperature to a more comfortable level. The unemployed, single father of two says the shirt removal was necessary to allow his white socks and sandals ensemble to remain intact. "With the socks and sandals, it gets pretty hot, so the shirt had to come off." Harborn explains. "I now can enjoy a walk down busy main streets of the city with my shirt off and my feet will be comfortable." remarked Harborn who likes to saunter around with his shirt off on the busy streets of downtown Ottawa.

With the summer solstice and its long hours of sunshine occurring today, Harborn is planning to beat the heat by strolling shirtless down Bank St., maybe stopping for smoke outside the laundromat, and chatting with his buddy, Dwayne, who will also be shirtless, but opts for the more traditional cut-off jean-short look. "Dwayne and me will probably walk down to the Subway, but we'll have to carry our shirts for when we go in, cause they won't let us in if we got no shirt on" says Harborn.

The recent heatwave in the region has also forced area seniors to adopt black knee-high socks with sandals and polyester shorts pulled up to their upper abdomen. Health officials also advise seeking air-conditioning in addition to the socks and sandals, with many area shopping malls offering cooling relief from the heat.  

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Somebody Dealing Like Dilawri: Reports

Ottawa - Well-known Ottawa automotive retailer, Dilawri, whose ads are synonymous with getting a great deal, recently faced reports that somebody is dealing like them. With their reputation and gentle voiced ad campaign stating that "Nobody Deals Like Dilawri", President and CEO of the Dilawri Group, Greg Nolan, is concerned about the recent reports of somebody else dealing in a similar manner. "We thought we could always be confident that nobody deals like Dilawri, but now we are hearing reports somebody else in town has similar deals." stated Nolan.

Current ad campaigns on almost every Ottawa radio station claim that the dealing of car sales is pretty much a unique experience at Dilawri. The radio ads use a delightful, soft spoken female voice that informs listeners of the unique deals at Dilawri with a memorable "Nobody Deals Like Dilawri" tagline. 

The unsubstantiated reports of somebody else dealing like Dilawri has a lot of Ottawa residents scrambling to find the source of these other automotive deals in the city. Speculation has the car deals like Dilawri being offered at nearby competitor Tony Graham, who have been trying to match the deals of Dilawri for quite sometime with their own unique radio jingle. 

Dilawri hopes to continue offering competitive deals in automotive sales, and figures the reports of somebody dealing like them are just a competitive rumour. "We here at Dilawri are still offering deals like no one else, and even if somebody is dealing like us, we can match or better that deal." exclaimed Nolan who is in the process of adjusting the current radio ad jingle to "Nobody Feels Like Dilawri" in case the reports are found to be true. 

Monday, June 4, 2012

Mayor Watson Can Now Appear At Every Event In Ottawa With New $3.4Million Mobile Command Centre

Ottawa - The Mayor of Ottawa will now be able to triple his appearances at various events throughout the city using a new Mobile Command Vehicle. Enabling the mayor and his staff to efficiently plan and execute appearances by the Mayor, the 3.4 million dollar vehicle is a state of the art wheeled Command Centre that allows The Mayor to pinpoint exactly his next appearance while planning the most hassle-free traffic route to the destination. Using satellite tracking software and a fully automated command console with GPS, The Mayor will now be able to attend every single event in Ottawa with great ease.

Using a converted bus chassis, the new Command Vehicle, dubbed "Watson One" will also allow the Mayor to conduct mayoral duties from inside the vehicle and keep in direct contact with councillors using its onboard communications network. A special "mobile council chamber" was also installed within the Command Vehicle to allow impromptu or emergency council meetings to take place while en route to a scheduled appearance by Mayor Watson.

Director of Mayoral Affairs, Florence Molander says the new command vehicle will allow the Mayor to appear everywhere within a few minutes, tripling his already busy appearance schedule. "With Watson One, we now hope to make the Mayor available to appear at every single event in the city within a matter of minutes." Molander remarked. Previously, Mayor Watson would have to be shuttled by car, only aided by a Blackberry device, limiting his appearances throughout the city. With Watson One, sophisticated computers and portable communications allow the Mayor and his staff to be in constant contact with city events. The $3.4 Million command vehicle is also equipped with a walk in closet full of fleece sweaters and penny loafers, and also a deep fryer. Mayor Watson is excited to utilize the new command vehicle despite some complaints from opponents, but says it will only increase his efficiency of running the Nation's Capital. "It's perfect, now I can be everywhere, all at the same time, and also conduct my duties as Mayor while on the road." Watson exclaimed. Watson 1 will also be given clearance to use the existing Transitway system to expedite travel of the Mayor to his scheduled appearances.