Thursday, August 5, 2010

New Ikea Store Delayed; Missing Allen Key Blamed

Pinecrest Mall- Thousands of Ottawa area college students, young professionals, divorcees, and design savvy citizens were disappointed to learn of news that the assembly of the new Ikea store will be delayed for six months. The disparaging news comes after the giant cardbaord box containing the new store was opened and it was discovered that the oversized allen key needed to assemble the new store was missing.

"That allen key is crucial to the assembly process and we can't begin construction until we have it." stated Project Supervisor Gil Vandervoort who is in charge of Canada's soon-to-be largest Ikea store. The missing allen key was an apparent oversight on behalf of the factory in Sweden who made the 400,000 square foot particle board building and packaged it efficiently in a large cardboard box along with 2 million screws, 45,000 washers and 7,500 unaccounted for pieces that have no apparent use.

"We are making every possible effort to get that allen key. I have been informed they have loaded another key on a flatbed truck so it should arrive in the next few weeks." explained Vandervoort who waited in line at Customer Service for over 57 minutes while a family returned their scratched Billy bookcase ahead of him.

Customers in the meantime are asked to remain patient and continue to enjoy the 3km walk across the crowded parking lot to the current store and herd themselves towards affordably priced household items.


  1. Wow, big mistake in this article. Oslo isn't even in Sweden, it's in Denmark. The Ikea factory is actually in Helsinki, Sweden.

  2. The O-dot apologizes for this grave geographical error, and through extensive research has determined that the factory is actually in Taman Ria Jaya Industrial Estate, Sungai Petani, Vietnam employing many locals with small, dextrous hands.

    -The o-dot