Sunday, August 22, 2010

City Unveils New Parking Enforcement Uniforms

Ottawa City Hall - Ottawa Bylaw Services proudly launched their new Parking Enforcement uniforms at a press conference held Saturday afternoon. Often harassed by the public, bylaw officers hope these new uniforms will instill a sense of fear with those breaking parking regulations on city streets.

Widely known for their intimidating and relentless enforcement of the slightest of parking infractions, bylaw officers are embracing their new look and hope to increase their productivity as well. "We are really anxious to put on our new uniforms," exclaimed Kevin Merchand, a bylaw parking enforcement officer with the City of Ottawa. "Citizens really weren't taking me too seriously when I was wearing shorts and a bicycle helmet handing them a $200 ticket for an expired meter, but now I think the uniforms will demand respect." Public reaction to the new uniforms is less enthusiastic, with many citizens already enraged by Bylaw enforcement practices. "I just got a $150 ticket because I was apparently not supposed to park on a second Tuesday of a full moon month." cried Glennis Jonston, who also received an additional ticket while being interviewed because her meter expired by 30 seconds. "Their uniforms are bringing back horrible flashbacks for me as well." sobbed Jonston, a decorated World War Two veteran.

In addition to the new uniforms, Parking Enforcement Officers will also receive new vehicles to replace the aging Hyundai Accents and Smart Car fleet. Coinciding with the new intimidation factor, bylaw vehicles are now refurbished surplus Panzer IV tanks. The tracked vehicles will negotiate the growing traffic within Ottawa, and also be able tow or destroy vehicles breaking any bylaw regulations.

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