Saturday, September 25, 2010

Watson, O'Brien Clash At Fundraiser Event, Doucet Clinches Youth Vote.

Ottawa -
The race for Mayor has not just become more competitive, but also more violent with both leading candidates clashing at a fundraiser dinner Tuesday night. Polls are showing both Watson and O'Brien are in a close race for the seat and at a candidate fundraiser,
Watson donned a costume before taking to the stage to address a crowd of guests who paid $100 a plate to hear Mr. Watson speak about local issues and his "tough on crime" campaign platform. Speaking to the eager crowd of guests that he will rid the city of "tyranny, evil and white collar crime," Watson performed various feats of strength, such as lifting an elderly man out his wheelchair, jumping onto a table and also running at a rate of speed that was above his normal shuffle.

As guests applauded Watson and his almost super-heroic feats, the dinner was soon interrupted when the salon hall doors were kicked open by rival candidate Larry O'Brien who stormed the stage and warned everyone to stay in their seats while he removed a sizeable piece of Kryptonite from a briefcase, rendering Watson unconscious. Before collapsing under the powers of the green crystal being held by O'Brien, Watson managed to hurl a buffet warming pan of glazed carrots at O'Brien. Watson then fell to the floor and was rushed to hospital while O'Brien made a hasty exit through a nearby fire escape door to a waiting helicopter.

Witnesses remarked that O'Brien yelled to the crowd that "I will wear the Golden Chain Of Mayor once again!" before exiting and also fired a Kryptonite Ray Gun in Watson's general direction. No one else was injured during the altercation but Watson remains in stable condition at the Ottawa Civic Hospital. Although weakened, Watson has already made
appearances at 34 different events while in a hospital gurney and remains confident of a victory over O'Brien "I am not going to let Mr. O'Brien stop me from doing my job." Watson exclaimed, obviously still ill from the Kryptonite exposure. "Ottawa needs me and I need them." quipped Watson as he headed to the Grandmothers Against Gout (GAG) fundraiser event being held in Ottawa's Vanier district last night.

Meanwhile, Clive Doucet, also running for Mayor, has established himself as the clear winner amongst youth voters in the region, displaying a unique brand of bonding with the city's under-25 voter demographic. Displaying a talented break dancing routine at a local Hip-Hop festival put Doucet as the frontrunner among the youth voters who were impressed by his attempt at break dancing.

When reached for comment about the clash, Doucet remarked "Let me axe you dis, who gots a clean ride wit dem 22 inch spinners? Me! Dem udder boyz is wack!" Doucet was then reportedly seen on Ritchie Street in the West End beat boxing with some residents while handing out his campaign literature.


  1. So funny! Too bad I wasn't there to help save the world of Ottawa Andy Haydon

  2. Well played, salesman. Well played. :)