Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Toddler Collapses Under Weight of Safety Gear

Wellington West - The soft laughter of little Kayla-Maraka-Hayden-Unirsta-Lagel-Benson-Campbell soon turned to screams of pain early Thursday afternoon after the 15 month old toddler collapsed under the weight of safety equipment that ironically was worn to protect her. Apparently after enjoying a controlled and monitored stroll in Hampton Park, Kayla-Maraka-Hayden-Unirsta-Lagel suddenly fell onto the soft grass of the park, writhing in pain. Shocked, her parent, Morwena Lagel-Benson-Campbell, quickly tried pulling the reigns of the safety harness to save her. The mother then tried in vain to pick up Kayla-Maraka-Hayden-Unirsta-Lagel whose slippery skin was covered in SPF 90 sunscreen, making it impossible for a grip to be attained. 911 was then called and paramedics were on the scene within minutes.

"This is not an uncommon response." stated paramedic-on-the-scene, Chris Haverton. "Just last week I got a call about a kid who had about three times his own body weight in gear on, and with the extreme summer heat, he fainted, but luckily the knee pads and PFD broke his fall." Haverton exclaimed. The recent trend in protecting children from the hazards of play time has lead to a spike in emergency responses to children collapsing under the weight of the safety gear that is supposed to be protecting them.

With today's play time becoming increasingly dangerous due to UV rays, uncut grass, rough gravel, dust, stray insects, puddles, pavement cracks and other menacing dangers, parents are taking preventative measures to ensure their child's safety.

Kayla-Maraka-Hayden-Unirsta-Lagel was ushered to CHEO but is expected to make a full recovery in time for her Tiny Tot yoga and massage this weekend.


  1. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! A new resident to Wellington West, I am astounded by the number of Moms, babies and strollers. It's kind of bizarre actually! Love the blog. Hitting my list of dailies fo sho!!! Thanks for the laughs!

  2. Very funny! Too funny to read in a public setting. Bursting out loud in Starbucks made people turn and give me "the look".

  3. YAY! Our own Onion!

  4. Awesome. I love you, please marry me?