Sharbot Lake - A collective groan was heard late Wednesday night when the Teva sandal clad Kevin Newbury pulled out his god-forsaken guitar once again around the campfire at a cottage party on Sharbot Lake. Known for pulling out his acoustic guitar from behind his lawn chair after a few beers, Newbury tortured those around the once delightful campfire with out-of-tune and poorly executed versions of Pearl Jam, Billy Joel and Tragically Hip songs. Cringing at the prospect of Newbury monopolizing the campfire once again, some people got up and politely announced that "they were tired" and "going to bed". The departure of half the group did not seem to deter Newbury however, as he broke into a terribly off key version of "Fifty Mission Cap" by the Tragically Hip. Hoping to impress the female members of the campfire group with his musical abilities, some intoxicated girls shouted out requests for Billy Joel from which Newbury attempted to strum his own version of "Piano Man".
Derek Lidcomb was one of the members who left the fire early and headed to the cottage before Newbury started his guitar playing. "That guy always brings out his f---ing guitar every time we're up here and no one but the really drunk people can stand it." Lidcomb remarked. "We never see the guitar until it's too late...I don't know where he keeps the thing, he just seems to make it magically appear and then you are trapped listening to him butcher songs by the Beatles and Cat Stevens." Lidcomb replied before heading to the cottage.
Newbury, a Level 4 director at Stats Can has no musical training, but somehow has been able to use his self taught guitar abilities to entertain campfire groups for the last 5 years. Usually mild mannered and quiet, Newbury breaks out his guitar after a few drinks in hopes of attracting a mate with his off-pitch and beer fuelled ballads.
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