Any Shopping Mall - The delightful selection of savory sausages and cheese spreads made a quiet exit from shopping mall kiosks across North America this week when Hickory Farms packed up their 2,907 holiday locations and returned to their secret Headquarters somewhere in Ohio.
Hickory Farms brings the best of Midwest values and unwavering quality to consumers in North America during the Christmas season and have once again returned to their food labs to create even more savory foods for next year’s holiday season. Starting in late November, Hickory Farms kiosks appear in malls across the continent, offering an unparalleled selection of rich and delicious food baskets, spreads, cured meats and nuts. “Our products bring the goodness of Hickory Farms into many homes during the holidays.” explained Hickory Farms Regional Manager Glynnis MacIntyre who personally oversaw the sale of 5,678 sausage and cheese samplers this season. “Our job is now done and we have to go back to our mothership and work on new delicacies infused with mind control drugs for next year.” MacIntyre revealed as she levitated into a waiting dirigible.
With the end of the holiday season upon us, Hickory “Farmers” everywhere worked under the cover of darkness and using unknown teleportation devices, removed themselves and their large refrigerator units of food back to their secret labs in Ohio. One mall outside of Kingston, On had a nut encrusted cheese ball roll astray during the exodus, but other than that, no remaining trace of Hickory Farms kiosks were reported anywhere.