Afghanistan - The fighting forces of the Taliban laid down their weapons and ceased operations today in preparation for Royal Wedding festivities that are sweeping many Islamist regions. Commemorative Royal Wedding souvenirs are being swept off store shelves as excitement builds for the televised wedding ceremony tomorrow afternoon. Thousands of Taliban members have traded in their AK-47s for souvenir plates, spoons and Union Jack flags in anticipation of spending the day huddled around makeshift television sets, hoping to catch a glimpse of Kate's dress or William's Royal Wedding attire.
"This is the most exciting event to happen in my short lifetime as an Islamist extremist." commented an excited Abdul Akhund Mullamar, who recently fired an RPG adorned with Kate and William's official engagement photo. "I can't wait to see what dress Kate will be wearing, hopefully it is reminiscent of Lady Diana's beautiful wedding dress." Mullamar exclaimed from his cave bunker outside of Kabul.
With Royal Wedding fever sweeping the world, Taliban forces are no exception, with thousands flocking to local markets to purchase Royal Wedding souvenirs. "I just picked up my commemorative spoon that I will sharpen and use to torture my prisoners." Mohammed Baradul remarked before joining his comrades for a pre-wedding celebration where they will play music by the popular artists performing at the Royal Wedding reception. "There wasn't a dry eye in the cave when we all listened to Elton John's Candle In The Wind last night." a jubilant Baradul replied.
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