Saturday, December 25, 2010

Santa Gunned Down While Delivering Presents In Mexico

Chihuahua, Mexico - Children and adults alike are in mourning Christmas Day as news swept across the globe that Santa Claus has been killed in an apparent drug cartel shoot-out in Mexico. The lovable, rotund holiday celebrity was caught in a viscous hail of automatic gunfire as he was delivering presents to Mexican children Christmas Eve.

Well known to authorities as a violent section of Chihuahua province, two drug cartels are suspected of the shooting, and Mexican police have a number of suspects in custody. Santa’s annual delivery of presents to millions of children was not disrupted as

his elves carried out the remainder of his deliveries early Christmas morning.

The ever increasing drug related violence in Mexico has now reached a breaking point, with United Nations officials stepping in and urging the Mexican government to crack down on the drug cartels who control the area. United Nations Secretary General Ban-Ki Moon made a special announcement to the world after hearing news of Santa’s death, and called upon fellow countries to help eradicate the drug violence from Mexico. “The death of Santa has left the world speechless and we now must not only mourn his loss, but also come together to rid not only Mexico, but the entire world of such violence.” Moon stated in an early morning news conference.

The North Pole was in a state of emergency after hearing the news of Santa’s death, and are making the necessary preparations to make sure Christmas runs smoothly and the children receive all their gifts. Head Elf Jingle Jangle was shocked to hear the news, but remains confident North Pole activities will still be on track. “This is unbelievable, the elves are still in shock as is Mrs. Claus, but we are still trying to make sure Christmas is not completely ruined.” Jangle remarked before breaking down in tears.

Mexican authorities have arrested Juan Chavez and Pablo Sanchez, both known members of the ChiChi gang who have ruled drug operations in the northern part of Mexico for some time. Santa’s body is being flown to the North Pole by United Nation’s officials where a global state funeral is being planned.

1 comment: