Washington- The recent WikiLeaks of once classified information has uncovered a massive CIA plot to test citizens of their “Boredom threshold” to see how long an average human being can withstand being bored, and in some cases, being “bored to death”.
Classified as “Operation Snore”, the US government funded experiment is the largest of its kind, testing thousands of Ottawa’s citizens on how much boredom they can withstand before fleeing, moving or in some cases dying. “The citizens of Ottawa were exposed to early store and restaurant closures, limited after hours entertainment and extremely cold, depressing grey days resulting in subjects staying in their suburban environments, wearing pajama pants and going to bed by 10pm.” the leaked CIA documents reveal.
With its ever expanding suburbs and well known lack of excitement, the WikiLeak confirms for many, what has been suspected for a long time. “This CIA operation just confirms what many residents of Ottawa already believed.” Deputy Minister of Cultural Affairs Beth Grady explained. “What was once thought as apathy and lack of vitality within the city can now be explained by this massive CIA experiment in social behaviour.” Grady remarked. “ the experiment involved an elaborate network of early store closures, boring cultural events, and placing residents in far reaching settlements such as Barrhaven and Kanata, so people would opt to stay home and go to bed early rather than head back to the downtown core to be entertained.” says Grady.
The CIA denies the experiment but does admit to creating colder temperatures in a large scale weather control experiment in an attempt to confine citizens to their homes. “We want to make sure Canadians stay in their homes and don’t start being more creative then they already are.” another leaked CIA document reveals.