Monday, February 20, 2012

Local Band Plays Actual Piece Of Shit On Stage

Ottawa - The Mapledale Tavern recently played host to local indie rock band "Blood Toilet" who took to the stage to play an actual piece of fecal matter. Band member Kyle Grayson, 27, fashioned a solidified piece of feces into a musical instrument that he played on stage. "I think folks are really gonna dig this new piece of shit we are going to play tonight." remarked Grayson who created the band Blood Toilet with some friends from college in 2009. Blood Toilet has played a repertoire of classic indie grunge/thrash rock where their goal is to make every song sound exactly the same while making people cover their ears in pain at the excruciating noise they create. Grayson hopes the new piece of shit they will play will bring a new level of enjoyment to those that attend their shows. Utilizing a rare piece of feces from an African elephant that Grayson had solidified with epoxy resin, the feces was then transformed into an electrical musical instrument similar to a guitar but is pounded and strummed to create a thumping sound.

After patrons were forced to pay an $18 cover charge to enter the Mapledale Tavern, they were then forced to pay $9.00 a beer while listening to the piece of shit being played. Seated in musty smelling, poorly lit surroundings, patrons did not look shocked to see the piece of shit being played before them until the sound was turned up to maximum levels. The Mapledale Tavern, frequented by a large number of hipster youths who normally seem to care more about the fact they are actually in the Mapledale than who the band is, seemed to express excitement over the fecal matter being played on stage and look forward to Blood Toilet's next album which is due out April 1st.

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