Kelsey's Introduces New Deep Fried Something

Ottawa - Hot on the tail of their successful deep fried pickle campaign, Kelsey's introduced a delicious new deep-fried platter of some unknown food item. Having exhausted all options of mozza sticks, pickles, onions, shrimp, mushrooms and a host of other food items deep fried in a greasy batter, Kelsey's quickly introduced a new appetizer that is an indiscernible mash of mysterious deep fried something. "We don't exactly know what it is since Sysco Foods just sends us a vacuum sealed bag of the stuff that we just toss in the deep fryer, but we know it will be a hit when it goes on sale next week." said local Kelsey's manager Dwayne Hopkins. "Super Sundays will offer a deal where it's 50% off with proof of a an immediate death in the family or a doctor's note of terminal illness." Hopkins beamed.

The indistinguishable food base is deep fried in a grease laden batter that is then served with a lemon wedge and will be labelled as a "Colossawesome Munchie Platter" on the menu. It will be offered to customers at an unbeatable price of $11.99 with the purchase of an entree. "You can count on Kelsey's to serve you the best and latest in deep fried something. We guarantee it." Hopkins remarked. Also being introduced in conjunction with the Colossawesome Munchie Platter is a new fishbowl sized drink of slush nature with some bright colouring and unknown alcohol that will be dubbed "Ladies Night Knockout" and only available on Thursdays after 5pm.