Ottawa - Incessant crow cawing heard across the city between the hours of 4am and 8am have recently been deciphered and translated by a Carleton University professor who has determined they are important warnings for mankind. Dr. Harold Freeman of the Department Of Ornithology at Carleton University discovered that the annoying caws of crows are warning us of impending doom and sometimes giving instructions on how to cure cancer.
After years of painstaking research into the annoying cawing of crows in the early dawn hours, Freeman thinks he has finally unravelled the mystery as to why they are so adamant about vocalizing their thoughts at such an inconvenient and disturbing time. “Crows are just getting up early to warn mankind that the end is near, or that the humans beside their tree need to get up and start work a bit earlier due to a traffic issue on the 417.” Freeman states. Most crows also make an attempt to vocalize their warnings and thoughts to those with hangovers, a lack of sleep, or both.
An accredited ornithologist, Freeman conceived and tested a successful crow translator, recording the annoying, intrusive and irritating sounds of crow caws at 4am across various parts of Ottawa. After deciphering their incessant caws using his patented Cawdex computer program, Freeman determined the crows are just really trying to tell us some important messages that we are not acknowledging. “The crows are trying to communicate with us similar to dolphins, but no one really wants to hear them at 4am.” Freeman continued.
After announcing his findings, Freeman hopes the crows will ease up on their exasperating early morning caw calls and let humans reply in time using specialized bird translation devices. Freeman also hopes those annoyed by the cawing will finally accept their black-beaked feathered friends messages, as they are meant to help mankind even though they are delivered at 4am.