Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Area Students Excitedly Prepare For School Proms So They Can Remember It As Best Day Of Their Lives When They Are 40, Fat/Bald And Unhappy

Ottawa - Scores of students across the city are busy preparing for their high school proms as the season of the prom rapidly approaches. Hundreds of athletic, popular and cool kids are abuzz with excitement as they prepare to make prom night the single most memorable night of their lives. In anticipation of the future when they will most likely be overweight, bald, and employed in either the retail or hospitality industry making minimum wage, preparations are in full swing with no expense spared. Already forecasting a dismal, bleak existence with unwanted kids and a marriage to someone they hate, many high school cool kids are feverishly preparing for the prom so they can reflect back on it with fondness when they are in their depressing later years. “I really want to make sure I will remember this senior prom with my friends as part of my glory days.” commented Grade 12 Notre Dame student Kyle Nullman who is the star quarter back of the Notre Dame Knights football team. “I know when I am 40, fat, bald and working at Walmart, I can always look back at my high school prom and feel good I once had it all.” Nullman replied before heading out to pick up his rented tuxedo and to book a limo.

High school girls are also preparing for the big night by calling each other on cell phones 400 times a day to discuss the prom and what they will be wearing. “Like, I mean, if I go with Josh, who is totally, like hot, then I’m probably gonna get my mom to, like, take me to Richard Robinson.” Grade 11 Glebe Collegiate student Tasha Brumen remarked from her BMW in the school parking lot. “When I, like, get all married and stuff, and have kids and marry some rich dude, I want to remember this as the happy time in my life.” Brumen explained.

As the area cool kids prepare for the many area proms, non-cool kids are also busy preparing and plotting how to become future billionaires and later have the cool kids serve them at a restaurant, or service their Maserati. “I just programmed an app I just sold to Microsoft that should secure some serious investments for me to buy this high school and turn them into condos before I graduate.” remarked Grade 10 Nepean High student Lu Chung.

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