Saturday, March 24, 2012

Hipster Obesity On The Rise In Hintonburg

Hintonburg: With the addition of a new gourmet taco stand in the trendy hipster hang-out of Hintonburg, studies are showing alarming levels of Hipster Obesity, or HO, in the Ottawa neighbourhood. Hipsters in the hundreds are flocking to the variety of new foodie shacks springing up in the neighbourhood, resulting in alarming levels of HO.

Sampling large volumes of burgers from Hintonburger, Tacos from Tacolot, gourmet donuts from SuzyQ, and cupcakes from Isobel's, these highly fattening foods are then washed down with the drinking of trendy microbrew beers from one of the many new bars located throughout Hintonburg. Ottawa Health Advisor Dean Lomez is concerned the intake of all these hipster-centric foods are causing drastic health issues for residents in the neighbourhood. "We are seeing lots of buttons popping off plaid shirts, skinny jeans tearing and large rimmed glasses falling off faces of local hipsters." remarked Lomez who hopes the hipsters will realize their intake of all these unhealthy foods may cause obesity. "These 20 year olds think they can just eat whatever they want because they are young, but most of these folks have sedentary web design or desk jobs that don't allow the caloric intake to be burned." Lomez commented. "Riding a bike you found in the dumpster two blocks is not going to burn off the 2000 calorie burger and gourmet bacon donut and 4 microbrews." explained Lomez who hopes local hipsters will realize their diet of shack food could be harmful.

A recent study by the Hipster Obesity Foundation in Sacramento, California has shown there is usually a large increase in Hipster Obesity after gourmet food stands set up in a known hipster neighbourhood. Once the trendy food stands have been established, local hipsters and "foodies" swarm to them to stuff their faces and later blog about it, not realizing the impact on their health.

The neighbourhood could also face further challenges to HO when a current shack is being converted from an old meth lab into the "Skin Shack" that will serve fried chicken skin draped over buttered ice cream. "Let's hope the city puts regulations in place that prevent too many of these highly caloric shacks from popping up in Hintonburg." Lomez lamented.

1 comment:

  1. If their happy then let them eat, So what if they gain a gut.