New Sports Bar Offers 2,348 Flat Screens Covering Every Inch Of Wallspace

Ottawa - Joining the ranks of the 12,348 other sports bars in Ottawa, "Pinch Hits" opened its doors Wednesday to enthusiastic crowds of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder patrons who have trouble focusing on one thing at a time. The new sports bar boasts over 2,000 flat screen television monitors plastering every available space on the walls of the establishment. Bar owner Clint Devries says his new sports bar will fill the gap where other sports bars fall short, and that is not enough flat screen televisions simultaneously blasting every imaginable sport on the planet to needy patrons. "There is a serious lack of screens in sports bars today." Devries exclaimed. "Pinch Hits is here to fill that void, and provide customers with a 360 degree sensory overload of sports."

"Pinch Hits" is a new venture for DeVries who previously worked for the Dilawri Automotive Group as their commercial advertising campaign manager. "I know how to hit all the senses and make people pay attention with over-bearing, loud and catchy messages, so it was an easy transition to a sports bar where those assets are essential." Devries remarked.

Customers are already applauding the over 2,000 screen establishment, citing it provides them with a chance to keep an eye on all sports, no matter where they look. "Now I just tilt my head and I'm informed of what's going on in every imaginable sport." bar patron Danny Slyvick, a diagnosed ADHD patient replied. "No more wondering what's happening on the other channel."

After the grand opening Wednesday, "Pinch Hits" suffered only two casualties due to the multiple screens. A 38 year old customer was sent to hospital after an epileptic fit due to the sensory overload, and a man lost his mind and jumped out a window after trying to process the stimulus assault within the bar.

"Pinch Hits" is located in a non-descript strip mall beside the new Rio-Can Centre on Merivale Road. They offer a selection of wings, ribs, burgers, nachos and other discriminating sports foods. Reservations are not required, but a waiver must be signed upon entry.