Paper Cut Forces School To Ban All Paper

Student shows off finger that suffered a papercut.

Paper products from school being burned after the paper ban.

Ottawa - A student at Westboro Alternative Montessori suffered a nasty paper cut during craft time yesterday, forcing the school to ban all forms of paper products. The student, who had just completed a toddler yoga class, began to cut out a Mobius strip from construction paper and suffered a lesion on his right index finger. The papercut was quickly treated with an Elmo Band-Aid by his teacher, but school officials decided in the interest of safety to ban all paper products from the school.

School Principal Lois-Wasell-Numon took the appropriate measures to ban paper from the school in hopes no other children would suffer the same fate. "This papercut is the result of hazardous handling of paper, and such a product should not be part of our curriculum. " Wasell-Numon stated. "No child will be allowed to bring paper onto school property for the safety of other students who may also suffer papercuts as a result of the paper danger." she remarked before lighting the pile of books, paper, and other pulp based items in a massive bonfire in the playground.

Parents of the injured child hope their son will make a full recovery from the papercut and are pleased Westboro Alternative Montessori made the decision to ban paper from the school. "Our child is constantly threatened by the dangers of life, so eliminating one of them sure makes us feel better." the unidentified mother stated upon hearing the news of the paper ban.